


Are we meant to be?

by Abc_gloor



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Evak - Freeform, Highschool AU, M/M, Parallel Universes, background yousana i guess, balloonsquad are just the best friends you can have, im bad at tagging, soft boyfriends, the last story was so messy sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-21 14:44:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11359605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abc_gloor/pseuds/Abc_gloor
Summary: Summary: Somewhere in a parallel universe Isak didn’t follow Even out of the bathroom because he was too afraid of his feelings. Even waited and waited but he never came, he thought Isak didn’t like him so he gave up. But we all know Isak are meant to be in every universe so they have to be brought together in another way.  (re-upload kinda because the other one was very messy)





	1. Chapter 1

October 7 - 2016  
“Come outside.” He said, and Isak wanted to. He really wanted to. So why was he still standing here? He wanted to move but his legs protested, he felt wrong. What would everyone think? That’s what always drove Isak to do things, he never really followed his heart. So why would he do that now? 

He didn’t really know Even, he saw him a few times at school but other than that, nothing. The only reason he met him just now was because he had to get the drugs back for Mahdi. And he didn’t even show up, so what’s keeping him here? 

He decided to just go, not to Even but home. When he got outside he saw Even sitting on the bench, he thought of going there anyway but he decided against it. He turned around and walked home. 

On the way he texted his friends that he went home and that he hoped that Sana would give the drugs anyway. They all responded fairly quick all saying they were sorry and that they were hoping too. 

He sighed and put his phone away, walking back to his apartment he shared with his two roommates. When he opened his door he was immediately greeted by one of his roommates. “Isak?” He said, “Yeah, Eskild i’m here.” He shouted back. 

Eskild walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. He had his usual big smile on his face but as soon as he saw Isak that expression fell. “What’s the matter?” He asked. “What are you talking about?” Isak asked back as he walked past Eskild to the kitchen to get something to drink. “Nothing just you seem… Different.” Isak didn’t respond he just grabbed a glass and walked to the sink. 

“You know you can talk to me right?” Eskild tried again. Isak turned around and looked at him. “Nothing is going on Eskild” He said and with that he grabbed his now full glass of water and disappeared in his bedroom. 

***********

Even waited outside, he didn’t know what he had expected. They never talked before so it was a bit strange that he asked him to come outside, he knew that, but still it hurt that he didn’t come. Just because Even was always watching Isak, didn’t mean Isak was always watching Even. 

He thought he caught him looking a few times though, but maybe that didn’t mean anything. He was already lighting his second joint when Isak walked out of the door, maybe just maybe he was going to come anyway, Even thought. 

He wasn’t coming though, he just stood there for a few moments before turning around and walking away. After he was out of sight Even stood up too and called Sonja, his girlfriend. He wasn’t in love with her anymore, he loved her. Just not IN love with her. 

He wanted to break up with her but she knew his secrets, being bipolar and being pansexual. She was save. Their relationship just felt like a job. She always worried too much and every time he was a little down or a little too happy she’ll get the idea an episode was coming up. He knew the signs, he trusted his instinct to know when it felt wrong. His meds made it hard, so hard he gave it up for a while but that didn’t work. It only made things worse. Now he has his methods of coping with his illness. 

Sonja didn’t think of it that way. She didn’t trust Even’s instinct, that was what made Even have to repeat his third year. Fighting with her wasn’t getting anywhere but neither was being with her. 

No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t let her go go, she didn’t let him be who he was. And he knew that was wrong, but then again he never felt like he belonged anywhere so he just stayed with her for the time being. 

She finally answered after the third ring. “Hey Even, how are you?” She asked, Even sighed, she always treated him like something vulnerable, like he could break any second. “I’m good Sonja, how are you?” He asked. “I’m fine, are you still coming over?” Even thought about it and decided that he didn’t feel like it, “I’m sorry, i’m gonna have to cancel, i’m just very tired.” She didn’t reply immediately, “ Do you want me to come over?” She asked, “No, you don’t have to. I’m just gonna go to bed, see you Sonja.” He said, “See you, I love you.” He hung up before saying it back. 

*********

Monday rolled around and Isak got ready for school. His weekend wasn’t spectacular, he mostly just watched Narcos or he was gaming, but he wasn’t doing anything his mind began to think about the blond boy. 

He couldn’t get him out of his head and he was happy that he finally had a chance of distraction. He was running late when he finally came out of bed, he quickly put on a shirt that was laying on the ground and some jeans. 

When he was finally out of the door he had a few minutes to catch the tram, but he made it just in time. He looked around for a place but didn’t find any, so he just stood. He was on his phone when he felt someone’s eyes burning in him. 

He looked up to see Even looking at him. “Hey” He said, Isak looked around, looking for a way to walk away, but found none. “Hey.” And he went back to his phone, hoping that the other boy got the message. And apparently he did because as soon as someone stood up to leave, he took the place. 

Isak felt bad, he didn’t know why, but he did. Nothing he could do about it now so he went back to his phone and prayed that the train would move faster. About 10 minutes later they finally arrived at school and he almost ran out of the train, he could feel Even’s eyes on him the entire time and he didn’t know why but it almost set his skin on fire. 

He met his friends in front of his school, they all greeted him with big smiles and he tried his best to return. “Hey, how are you?” Jonas, his best friend asked. “I’m fine,” He answered. 

His friend eyed him skeptically but let it drop. His friends talked about a party they all attended and Isak tried to listed, they invited them but he had politely declined and said he didn’t feel well so he would join the next time. He really tried to listed but when he saw Even walking to his own friends his mind stopped trying, his whole focus was on Even and how he walked. He was only pulled out of his trance when all his friends left to go inside. He quickly caught up with them and tried to forget what happened.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, so not only did Isak not like him, he hated him. Even didn’t know what to think other than that it sucked. 

He walked towards school and his friends, and he would swear he could feel Isak’s eyes on him, he turned around and saw him walking away, guess he was wrong. He walked into the school with his new-made friends and walked towards his locker, of course he had to pass Isak on his way, and of course the shorter boy was avoiding his eyes. 

He didn’t think a lot of it and just passed him before stopping at his own locker. He then realised he forgot his meds, normally his parents would remind him when he forgot, and that didn’t happen a lot, he normally took them at the same time because that’s what the doctor said had to happen. But his parents were out of town for the weekend so he forgot, luckily he had a spare bottle in his bag. 

He really didn’t like it to take his meds outside of his home because people could see but he had no other choice. He left to go to the cafeteria and met his friends there again after splitting up to go their own lockers. 

All his friends were invested in a conversation when he joined, the bell rang and everyone stood up except Even. “What are you doing? We have class.” Joey asked. “You guys go, I’m skipping first period.” He said. 

His friends eyed him for a moment before going to their classed. His friends didn’t know about his bipolar and he would like to keep it that way. When everyone was out of the cafeteria he looked around for anyone and when he didn’t see anyone he pulled out the little bottle, he took out 2 pills and set it on the table. He knew he might be overdoing it but he really didn’t want anyone to find out. He could’ve taken them in the bathroom but it’s always busy there around this time.   
l  
He grabbed his bottle of water and took the pills. He drank some water and put the water in the bag. His bottle of pills was still on the table when he heard someone sitting down. He quickly looked up to see Isak sitting in front of him with raised eyebrows. 

*******

He didn’t know why he was moving towards the table, he just saw Even sitting there all alone looking around like he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing. 

Normally he would just walk by but something was pulling him towards it. So when he reached it he took place on chair on the other side so they were sitting face to face, at least they would if Even wasn’t with his head almost under the table. He saw the bottle of pills on the table and it became clear what he was doing, he was taking his meds. 

He raised his eyebrows at him when he finally noticed Isak sitting at the table and he looked up. “Uhm.. What are you doing here?” Even asked, Isak thought of an answer and found that he didn’t have one. He didn’t know Even so why was here? “I don’t know, I just saw you here. What are those pills for?” Isak decided to change the subject. “Nothing, just forget about it okay?” And with that he left, Isak watched him leave. 

‘Nice Isak, really nice’ he thought. He didn’t what the pills were for but he guessed it was personal or they were just hard drugs and he didn’t want Isak to know he was a junkie. He hoped the first. 

He sat there for a few minutes, gathering his thoughts before getting up and leaving for his first class. He knew he was late but he couldn’t afford to miss another class because the principal really doesn’t like him. 

When he stood up he saw a scarf hanging on the chair where Even sat, he decided to take it with him and give it back when he saw him again. He put it in his bag and looked around for a sign of the other boy before leaving the cafeteria. 

When he walked into the classroom he muttered an apology to the teacher before taking a seat next to Sana. “Sorry, i’m so late, I had to go to the toilet.” He said. “Where? In France? You were gone a long time.” Sana said, Isak turned around and shot her a look. “Don’t worry about it okay? I’m here now. Do you have the stuff?” he asked. 

Sana looked at him like he was crazy, he tried to ignore the look. “Why do you need it now?” She asked. “I don’t okay? It’s not even mine, it was a friend’s. Can I please have it back?” he answered. S

he seemed to think about it for some time before Isak couldn’t take it anymore. “Look, I had a really long weekend en a weird morning. I just want it back for my friend. I was kind of an ass this weekend.” He said and she looked at him before bending down to grab her bag. 

She put it on her lab and took out the small bag. Isak’s eyes widened before grabbing his own bag and taking the bag. “This does not mean I like you.” She said, Isak gave her a smirk. “Drop the act, you know you love me.” they almost got caught but they luckily didn’t. 

Isak’s face went serious.”For real though, thank you.” Sana’s face was unreadable, he was turned back to the teacher before she could answer. She decided to drop it and focus back on the teacher.

*****************  
When the bell rang again, making it lunch, Isak couldn’t be more relieved. He couldn’t get Even out of his head, he walked around all day with his scarf in his bag. He just wanted to return it he told himself. 

He met his friends in the cafeteria. “I got the stuff,” He told his friend Mahdi, he handed him the bag and sat down. “Thanks, sorry I couldn’t make it to group again.” He told Isak. “Don’t worry about it, it was my fault I had to go anyway.” And that was it, no more talk about the group. Mahdi went back to the conversation between Jonas and Magnus. 

Isak tried to listen but he didn’t really feel like joining. Jonas shot him some questioning looks but Isak ignored them and focused on food.


	3. Chapter 3

All his friends were deep in conversation when he saw Even again. He looked lost, like he wasn’t himself, thought Isak. Although he didn’t know who that Even was. 

Suddenly he remembered the scarf in his bag, he stood up and walked towards him, he couldn’t stop himself. It was like that morning. His friends shot him some looks but he ignored them and stopped right in front of Even. “Can we talk?” He asked. 

Even looked confused to say the least. Isak thought he was about to say no, but he didn’t. “Sure?” He said, more like a question. Isak nodded and walked, he glanced back to see if the other boy was following, he was. 

Every class was on break so they could use the locker room. He walked in and waited for Even to follow him, when he was in Isak walked around him and closed the door. “What’s this about?” Even asked after a few awkward eye staring seconds. “You left your scarf.” Isak answered, taking his scarf out of his bag and giving it to the other boy. 

Even looked weird at him. “You dragged me all the way out here to give me back my scarf? Couldn’t you do that back there?” Isak seemed to think of an answer. “Yeah but I also have a question.” He said, Even raised his eyebrow as to say to continue. Isak did. “What pills are you taking? Is it drugs?” Isak asked, Even didn’t seem surprised by his question. “Why do you want to know?” he asked. “I don’t know i’m curious. So are you a junkie? Because I could read some of the text on the bottle and those are not painkillers.” Isak said. 

Even was really taken back by this and seemed to be lost. “If I tell you, you need to promise not to tell anyone. Okay?” Isak nodded. “I- I- I’m… I’m bipolar.” He said, not meeting Isak’s eyes. “Wait, you’re crazy?” Isak asked bluntly. Even finally met his eyes. Isak couldn’t exactly read what he was feeling but it was almost as if he was hurt. “Yeah Isak, i’m crazy.” And with that he left, almost pushing Isak out of the way. 

Okay so saying he was crazy wasn’t the best thing he could’ve said to Even. In fact it was the worst thing. He hadn’t meant for it to happen like that but he couldn’t help himself, he had said it before realising. He had regretted it immediately and he had run out to apologise but Even was nowhere to be seen. 

Isak was now not only the boy who avoided him but now he had also called him crazy. How would he make up for this? He didn’t know why he cared so much, he just did. He didn’t want Even to go walking this earth thinking Isak thought he was crazy. Honestly just because Isak didn’t have a good experience with a mental illness didn’t mean that it would all work out like that. He heard somewhere that Magnus’s mother had a mental illness, he had to remind himself to ask Magnus about it. 

He needed to know more about it before talking to Even. If he wanted to apologise he needed to do it when he actually knew what he was talking about. He walked down the hall and walked back into the cafeteria, his friends were still sitting at the table and all cheered when he returned. He ignored them and sat down, immediately facing Magnus. “Your mother is crazy right?” Shit, he said it again. “I mean… Sorry. I mean your mother has a mental illness right?” He said, Magnus raised his eyebrows and nodded. “Yeah, she’s bipolar. Why?” 

If Isak could slap himself right now without being looked at like he was crazy, he would. His mouth often spoke without consent. He really needed to work on that. “I’m just curious. How does it work? Is she herself?” Isak asked. Magnus looked at his other friends, silently asking if they knew why Isak was asking this. “Well, it’s just a part of her, it’s what makes her special. Sometimes it’s hard but we always make it work. She has medicine now so it doesn’t happen so often and they really help.” Magnus said, Isak was listening and he realised how bad he had fucked up. 

“Isak what’s going on?” Jonas asked, speaking for the first time since Isak arrived. Isak shaked the thoughts out of his head and turned to face him. “Noting, I just heard it somewhere. Look guys i’m not really feeling well. I think i’m just gonna go home.” He left before any of the boys could respond. 

He quickly went to his locker to grab his stuff and went to the nearest coffee shop. He ordered some coffee and went to sit, he had free wifi here so he grabbed his laptop out of his backpack and googled ‘Bipolar’. 

He read everything he could and when he looked up again, 2 coffee’s later, it was almost dark outside. He didn’t know how long he had sat there but he knew he had to get home. It was too late to buy some food and cook it up so he went by the nearest pizzeria to order a pizza. 

He walked in and was immediately greeted by a smiling Even. That smile fell as soon as it sat eyes on Isak. He rolled his eyes and pushed Isak on his way out, abandoning his friends. Isak wanted to go after him, he didn’t know why. 

He just felt awful and wanted to make it up to Even. He turned around but one of his friends was already there, asking what was wrong. Isak only now realised that these weren’t the friends he saw them with this morning. These people really cared for Even, more than you would if he only met them this year. They interacted like brothers. 

Seeing Even made his stomach turn in an unknown way and he didn’t feel hungry at all anymore. He walked out and and looked at the left were Even was now standing, laughing at something his friend said, clearly trying to make him feel better. 

Isak hated the fact that he was the cause for Even feeling bad. He took a turn to the right and walked back to his apartment. Ignoring Eskild once again and going straight to bed, only now realising how tired he was. 

Even made him feel something he had never felt before, and that was only with looking at each other. It scared him how much he already cared. He wanted to talk to Even, make it up to Even. But at the same time, he was terrified of discovering was other things Even can make Isak feel.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter you hear more about Even’s past. I include what I know from the serie (and turn the end around a bit) so if Yousef didn’t speak the truth, this is wrong. Oh well, Also TW for mentions of suicide attempt.

What Isak said hit him hard. It’s not like he hadn’t heard it before, it’s just that normally he got to decide when to tell someone instead of someone finding him while taking his pills and forcing Even to tell what they were for. 

 

It also sucked that Even had a beginning crush on the guy, he knew it was wrong because he was with Sonja but he did nothing so he wasn’t cheating. He had to break up with her, it’s not like hadn’t tried, Sonja just never took it seriously and convinced Even it was just because of the bipolar. It wasn’t her fault. She probably thought that too, but it made breaking up a lot harder. 

 

His friends know this, they try to help him. He had known Mikael, Elias, Yousef, Adam and Mutta since he started Bakka and they immediately clicked. People always asked them how it worked because Even was Pansexual and they were Muslim. 

 

They all got tired of hearing that question and they always answered the same way: “We don’t believe in the same things but I like having him as a friend and if he’s happy i’m happy.” 

 

Things were good now but they weren’t always. Before he was out, he was best friends with Michael. They were always together and Even got feelings, he tried to kiss him once and they got into an argument. 

 

Mikeal said some things he shouldn’t have said and it hurt. He tried to take it back once it was out of his mouth but the words already wormed his way into Even’s head.

 

Even was pretty lost after that for a while and went into an episode. None of his friends knew about his bipolar and because Even felt so bad he read the Qur’an, his friends were freaked out by his behaviour and backed off to give him space. 

 

One day it got really bad, he had freaked out Sonja and Even had lost his friends. He didn’t see a way out. 

 

His friends came after he took the pills. He didn’t count how many but he knew that the chances were big that if his friends didn’t find him so high and sleepy, his muscles too heavy to lift, he would’ve died. 

 

Apparently, his friends didn’t hate Even, they were just giving him some space. Thinking, he hated them. They went to his house that day to try to talk to him. 

 

 

It was a hard couple of weeks but his friends were all there and he told them about thinking he was Pansexual, they said that as long as he was happy, they were happy and that was that. 

 

Mikeal stayed by him day after day, feeling guilty as hell. Even forgave him and told him it was okay, he was just in shock. While Mikael still felt horrible, they got over it. Now they were still best friends, even if they didn’t go to the same school anymore. 

 

When he saw Isak at the pizzeria he didn’t want to be there anymore, they boys were still paying but Even left. 

 

Mikael came after him and cheered him up. No matter how cute Isak had looked, he turned out to be an asshole, or at least someone who Even didn’t need. He didn’t need to have more complications, it sucks but if Isak things of him as a crazy person, let him. 

 

He just hopes he doesn’t tell the whole school, all he wants is a fresh start. Eventually the other boys came out laughing with pizza’s in their hands. They left to go home, hey all noticed Even’s down mood but they didn’t say anything. Normally they would’ve gone to a party but they stayed home watching a movie. 

 

******

 

It was saturday when he got the notification. He hadn’t heard from Isak the rest of the week and he would be lying if he said it didn’t hurt. 

 

He was on his bed watching Romeo + Juliet again, he heard the ping from his phone and paused the film. It was a facebook friend request. ‘Isak Valtersen send you a friend request’. 

 

Not knowing what to do with it, he put back on the movie. It was a good distraction for a few moments but once the movie was finished he didn’t have anything to do so he went on his phone. 

 

He clicked on the notification and thought about it for a few moments, deciding that he didn’t care - he actually did- he clicked on confirm and added him back. It only took a few moment before he got the notification that they were now friends. ‘Friends’ a weird concept. 

 

They didn’t really know each other. All he knew was that his slight ‘crush’ was misplaced because Isak turned out to be an asshole. Not that he could blame him, he was crazy. He didn’t know how Sonja put up with him. It still sucked to know that Isak thought he was crazy. It was one thing to believe it yourself but it was another thing to hear it from someone he could potentially like. 

 

He went on Isak’s page and looked at his photo’s. He had a few memes, a few of his friends and one selfie. It was also his profile picture. It wasn’t a serious selfie, just for fun. He still looked hot though, 

 

Even doubted that he could look ugly. Sometimes he was cute and other times he was hot, but he was never ugly. Even didn’t know why he was so hung up on Isak, he didn’t even know him and he had a girlfriend. 

 

Still he went to that group and he had tried to talk to him. He didn’t even know if Isak liked boys that way, there is no point in finding out now. He went to lock up his phone when it vibrated again. A message from Isak Valtersen. He thought about it 2 seconds before opening. The message was longer than he expected. 

 

_ Hi! I’m Isak, I guess you already knew that. I’m the asshole who called you crazy. I had no right to call you that. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I care so much, I just don’t want you to know that I, or anyone else thinks you are crazy. I have my own demons with mental illness and I didn’t think before I spoke. (I do that a lot). I didn’t tell anyone by the way. I won’t tell anyone, it’s your business and it was wrong of me to force you to tell me. Again I don’t think you are a crazy and i’m really sorry for calling you that. Wow even on facebook I can’t shut up. Normally I don’t talk this much, I guess typing makes it easier. I did research and I know more about it now and again I realise how stupid I was. I guess i’m gonna go now. Bye! _

 

Okay so maybe he wasn’t as much of an asshole as Even thought. 


	5. Chapter 5

He didn’t know what drove him to do it. He normally didn’t do things like this. He just saw Even in his recommended list and he just clicked on him. 

 

He send the friend request before it was too late, he distracted himself until his phone vibrated. Even had had added him back and they were now ‘friends’. 

 

He figured he should apologise and even his apology was awkward. He immediately saw Even had seen it, he waited because it was quite a long story. After a few minutes he saw the three dots. Even was typing. It only took a few seconds until the dots were replaced by a few words. 

 

**Saturday 14:04**

**Even:** Thank you. I mean it. 

**Even:** I think we got of on the wrong foot. 

Isak didn’t really know what to think of this so he waited. 

**Even:** Let’s start over. 

**Isak:** Okay, how do we do that?

**Even:** I’ll start.

**Even:** Hi. i’m Even and you are?

**Isak:** I’m not doing that. That’s stupid. 

**Even:** Ohh come on! It’s fun!

**Isak:** But you already know my name

**Isak:** How do you know my name? I don’t think I told you

**Even:** Vilde introduced us remember?

**Isak:** Right. Anyway, I’m really sorry

**Even:** If we’re starting over you have to let that go. I did. 

**Isak:** Okay. so…

**Even:** So what?

**Isak:** What do we do now?

**Even:** Well Isak, right now we’re getting to know each other. 

 

He didn’t know why but that did things to his stomach. He suddenly felt really warm and he didn’t notice but he had a smile on his face. He didn’t notice it creeping on his face, he touched his face with his fingers to know for real if it was there. Apparently it was and he noticed that for once he didn’t fake it. He felt really happy. 

 

**Even:** Isak you still there?

 

Crap, he almost forgot about him, while thinking of him. 

 

**Isak:** Yes!

**Isak:** I mean, yeah i’m here. So what do you want to know?

**Even:** Well I want to know you

 

Suddenly he felt extra warm and he felt a blush creeping on his face. He knows he shouldn’t feel like this but he couldn’t help it. It was wrong but it felt so incredibly right. 

 

**Isak:** I want to know you too

 

Before he could think about what that could mean, he pressed send. 

 

******************** 

 

It was monday and for once in his life, Isak was excited to go to school. He didn’t know how he and Even would act if they saw each other but they talked a lot this weekend and Isak found out that he really liked talking to Even. 

 

Not only was he really passionate in a lot of things and he could talk hours about movies and what are and what aren’t good movies: ‘There is a difference between GOOD and ENJOYABLE movies Isak’ 

 

He couldn’t care less about it but he loved how happy it made Even, he only spoke to him through text but he knew Even said those things with a smile. But Even could also listen really well, he didn’t put all his emotional damage on Even. 

 

He wanted to tell him about his mom but he wanted to know how to say it without sounding angry at her for being mentally ill. He wasn’t mad at her because of that but Jonas often said that he sounded like that.

 

Isak also knew himself well enough to know that he didn’t always think before talking and didn’t want to hurt Even again. They didn’t talk about Even’s bipolar but he knew they would, he just gave Even the time this time. He still felt horrible about forcing him to tell him about his bipolar. 

 

He got up for school and took a quick shower before making breakfast and getting his stuff. He was out of the door in 30 minutes. 

 

He got on the tram and pulled out his phone, after 2 stops Even walked in. Even shot him a smile and this time Isak didn’t ignore him, he smiled back and put his phone in his pocket. 

 

“Hey” Even said, almost sounding insecure as if he didn’t know for sure if Isak would run away again. He didn’t. “Hey. How are you?” Isak asked, Even now stood in front of him, because the tram was quite packed they almost stood against each other. 

 

Isak now realised how blue Even’s eyes were, he also realised how much taller Even was and how much he had to stand on his toes to reach his lips. 

 

He quickly shook away that last thought but kept it hidden somewhere in a dark corner. 

 

Even realised he was staring and gave him a knowing smile with his eyebrows raised. Isak looked away when he felt a slight blush creeping on his face. “I’m good, how are you?” Even asked. 

 

_ I’m good, better now you’re here.  _ He wanted to say. “I’m fine. So what is the song of the day today Even?” Isak said. 

 

Saturday Even asked Isak what his favourite song was and Isak said that he couldn’t ask such a thing because that changes with time. Even then started song of the day and they both have to choose one song. 

 

“Well, Isak. Today’s song of the day is gabrielle - 5 fine frokner.” He laughed when Isak’s mouth fell open. “Wait! You’re serious? You like Gabrielle?” He asked. Even chuckled and nodded. “Not every song but I actually do like this one.” Isak was full out laughing now. “Hey! We said no judgement!” Even reminded him, Isak may have thought he had hurt his feelings but Even was full out smiling at him. “I know i’m sorry. I really am.”

 

Isak turned to look at him and they just smiled at each other for a few moment before they both realised what they were doing and Even opened his mouth. “So what is your song of the day then?” He said. 

 

Isak thought and he had one song. He never really listened to the artist before, the artist always reminded him of something he had closed off. The artist had a lot of pride in himself and Isak just couldn’t listen to him without feeling too fake. He wanted Even to know him. The real him for some reason. Small steps he told himself. This was a small step. 

 

“Heaven by Troye Sivan” Even looked at him before smiling. “Yeah, I can see you loving that song. It’s a great song.” Isak felt a blush creep on his before arriving at their school. 

 

They said goodbye and walked to their own friends. His friends were talking and he was staring at Even and Even was staring back. This was gonna be a long day. 


	6. Chapter 6

As it turns out, Even was wrong. He couldn’t be more wrong. Isak was not an asshole. Not even close. 

 

Isak had problems with thinking before speaking but he was not an asshole. Right now he had biology and he couldn’t concentrate. 

 

He hadn’t spoken to Sonja all weekend, they made plans a week ago to go to the park but he didn’t feel like it. He knew he shouldn’t think that so he pushed it away and now he was waiting in the park. 

 

He already knew all the questions she was gonna ask. “Are you okay?” “why didn’t you answer my texts?” “Did you have an episode?” He hated when she asked that, he knew she was just concerned but he hated that when he was a little happier than normal or a little more sleepy than normal, she immediately asked if he knew for sure that he was okay.

 

It was exhausting to live like that. Isak knew about his bipolar and never brought it up, he knew he must have questions. He knew he liked Isak, he also knew that Isak could never like him. He didn’t want to burden Isak. 

 

Even though Isak was okay with being friends with someone with bipolar, he didn’t know if he was okay with actually being with Even. He knew he shouldn’t even think about that because he has Sonja but he knew he couldn’t be with her anymore. It wasn’t fair for her. He was breaking up with her today. 

 

His thoughts were interrupted by Isak standing in front of him. He looked like the day he found Even taking his pills. Like he came to Even but didn’t really know what to say. “Hi” Even said, Isak laughed uncomfortably and looked down.

 

Even moved his hands as to motion to Isak to sit down, he did. “Hey, what are you doing?” He asked. “I’m waiting on someone. What are you doing?”  Isak looked down, thinking about his answer. “I always walk through the park when I go to my mom.” Even now raised his eyebrows. “You don’t live with your mom?” He asked. 

 

Isak was about to answer when Sonja interrupted them. She pressed her lips against his and smiled. “Hi baby. How are you?” She asked with a concerned smile. Even smiled uncomfortably and answered. “I’m okay Sonja.” Isak now looked very out of place and Even reminded himself to introduce them. 

 

“Sonja this is Isak. Isak this is Sonja, my girlfriend.” Isak now looked very guilty, like he was caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to. “Uhm… Hi! Uhm… Even, I got to go.” Isak said and he started to walk off. “Okay, i’ll talk to you later?” Even asked, Isak looked down again and nodded. “Uhm… Yeah, sure. Bye! It was nice to meet you Sonja.” He walked away before either of them could response. 

 

Sonja, oblivious to how uncomfortable Isak and Even were, sat down next to him. “Why didn’t you answer my texts Even?” She said, Even sighed. 

 

He was so tired of having a babysitter as a girlfriend. It wasn’t the girlfriend part that bothered him, it was the part that was so suffocating about having  _ her  _ as a girlfriend. 

 

“I can’t do this anymore.” He blurted out. His eyes were on the ground but he knew she was looking at him. “What are you talking about? Are you sure you’re okay?” He sighed again. “Yeah Sonja i’m okay. I’m sorry but I have to break up with you,-” He wanted to explain but she cut him off. “Did you take your meds?” She asked and now Even full out growled. 

 

“Yes! Yes! I took my meds. Yes! I’m okay. No! I’m not having an episode. I just can’t do this anymore. I need to breath, you have to let me breath. This relationship isn’t good for anyone. We’re not good for each other. I really want to stay friends because I do love you but I can’t be in a relationship with you. I can’t breath and you deserve better. I really am sorry. “ He said, a tear escaped his eye because even though this was better for both of them, he was going to miss her. 

 

She was was quiet for a moment before speaking up. “I get it. I’m sorry. I really am. I’m sorry I didn’t listed before. I want to stay friends too but I can’t right now. Maybe later. Goodbye Even.” They shared one last kiss before she was gone. “Goodbye Sonja.” He said, she turned around and she had tears in her eyes and a sad smile on her face. 

 

She waved and then she was gone. He walked to the train station and got on the train. He texted his friends asking if they could hang out. 

 

**Monday - 16:17**

**Even** : Hey, are we hanging out?

**Yousef:** Yeah, i’m down for it. Elias?

**Elias:** Yeah me too. I guess you asked because you want to use my house?

**Yousef:** Of course

**Elias:** Keep your weird crush on my sister to yourself please

**Elias:** Speaking of Sana, Even do you see her at your school?

**Even:** Yeah, I saw her a few times. I never said hi though. I don’t know if she wants me too. 

**Yousef:** Why wouldn’t she want you to?

**Even:** I always see her with her friends, I don’t want to disturb her. 

**Elias:** So she seems happy? She doesn’t get bullied?

**Yousef:** She loves you, of course she wouldn’t see it as disturbing her. Talk to her sometimes, it would be good for you to see someone you know. 

**Even:** Okay one at a time. Firstly Elias, I guess she seems happy but i’ll talk to her about it. I’ll protect her if needed, don’t worry. Her friends seem to stick up for her though. They almost joined the pepsi max girls to get a bus but when they saw how they treated Sana, they resigned. She’s very different at school. She knows how to stand up for herself. Secondly Yousef, I will also you should just tell her you like her. We all know it, she probably likes you too.

**Yousef:** Maybe someday I will, not today though. What if she doesn’t like me? I would rather be friends with her than not. 

**Elias:** Okay thank you Even. Also Yousef of course she likes you. You’re blind if you don’t see it. 

**Adam:** What is going on?

**Mutta:** Are we hanging out or what?

**Elias:** Yeah, just come to my house. 

**Yousef:** Okay, i’ll be there in 10

**Even:** I’ll be there in 15 minutes I think

**Mutta:** Adam and I are there in 5

**Adam:** What he said.

**Even:** Also guys, I broke up with Sonja. Bye

 

He put his phone in his pocket again and ignored the messages coming in. He turned to look where he is and saw that they were just passing the stop he would normally step out when he was going home. Now it was only 2 more stops and about 5 minutes walking. It took about 9 minutes when he got to the stop.

In 5 minutes he was Elias’ house. He knocked on the door and met a smiling Sana. “Hi Sana. How are you today?” He said while taking his shoes of. “I’m fine, how are you?” They were now standing in the hallway smiling at each other. “I’m fine. How is school going? Are you happy?” He asked. “I’m learning to open up to my friends and they help me. I guess i’m a lot happier now.” She said. “I’m glad. You deserve to be happy. If you ever need me, i’m here for you. Are you hanging out with us and the boys today? Yousef is here” He winked, or at least he tried. She blushed and shook her head. “I have to study. I have a test coming up.” She said and Even smiled. “Okay. I know you’ll ace that. You’re a genius. It was nice talking to you.” He smiled  and she muttered a “you too” while going back to her room. 

 

Even and Sana have always been sort of friends ever since they met. Even had always respect for Sana and in return Sana showed him her ‘soft’ side. He loved her like his own little sister even if they never really hang out. It was a little hard getting used to how she was at school but he figured it must be hard to be Muslim in Norway so it only made his respect for her grow. 

 

All the boys were now in the living room and Mikael was here too, he must’ve read the chat after Even put away his phone. 

 

“Hey guys.” He said while sitting down. “Hey” They all said. They sat in an awkward silence for a minute, Even knew what was on their minds. It was Sonja. “So…” Elias was the first to speak up. “You finally broke up with her?” He asked.

 

They were all looking at him. “Yeah, it just didn’t work. I do really hope we can stay friends. She was very important to me and I would hate it if I never got to see her again.” He said while looking down. 

 

“Hey, we get it. You want someone who takes care of you but also let’s you breath and do fun things together. We all wish you find that person. Whoever they are.” Yousef said and all the boys made sounds of agreement. 

 

Even looked up and smiled. “Thanks guys.” They all shrugged and continued the conversation they were having before he walked in. It was about the youtube channel they started, they asked Even if he wanted to join but Even had politely declined saying he’ll be a guest in some video’s. 

 

He didn’t really follow the conversation any further and eventually spaced out all together. Only thinking about a certain green eyed boy. 


	7. Chapter 7

Isak’s alarm woke him up. He didn’t really sleep, going to his mom was weird. She still looked like his mom, she had calmed down from the last time he had seen her. 

The last time he saw her was a few weeks after his father left him and she was shouting things to god, or to Isak, the ceiling.

She could now realise she was talking to her son, and they could even have a short conversation. He still couldn’t go back there but he made a mental note to visit her more often. 

Now that that was out of the way, the only thing that could occupy his mind was Even. He loved hanging out with Even. He thought that maybe, just maybe there was something between them. 

Apparently there wasn’t and Isak was just seeing things. Even is straight and in a happy relationship with a beautiful girl. 

Of course Even wouldn’t like him. He was already nice enough to forgive Isak for being a complete asshole. Every time he tried to apologise, Even shut him up. Saying that he had forgiven Isak and that they should let it go. 

He was already lying in bed when he got a text. He already knew from who by the way his heart sped up.   
Even: Hey

It was so simple and it still made Isak’s heart beat a little faster

Isak: Hey. How are?   
Even: I’m good. Sorry I didn’t tell you about Sonja  
Isak: Why are you sorry?  
Even: I don’t know. I just am. Anyway. I’m fine. How are you? How were things with your mom?  
Isak: I’m fine. My mom was great. How were things with Sonja?  
Even: I broke up with her  
Isak: why?  
Isak: I mean. You don’t have to answer. 

Somehow this seemed to cross an invisible line they had set over the last week. It took a few minutes before Even responded, Isak was already scared he had pushed Even away again. 

Even: I wasn’t in love with her anymore. She was always too worried about my bipolar. Second guessing every little thing I did. I don’t need that. I can’t have that. Yes I have bipolar but that’s a part of me. Not the whole me. Not everything I say or do that are not considered ‘Normal’ she tied to me being bipolar instead of just a personality trait of mine. I need someone who knows me. Someone who doesn’t remind me every minute that i’m crazy

Isak’s heart clenched, mostly because of the last part but also because it seemed as if Even was showing him a new side. Isak felt lucky that he had the honour of seeing that side. 

Isak: You are not crazy Even   
Even: I know. Just wanted to know how you’ll react  
Isak: Again i’m really sorry I said that  
Even: It’s fine Isak. It really is. It’s not the first and it won’t be the last time i’ll hear it  
Isak: But it isn’t fine! What I said was really wrong! And you shouldn’t hear your crazy because of something you can’t control. You go day in and out, fighting a battle with your own brain. You are not crazy! You are one of the strongest people on earth!

He didn’t know what hit him, he just felt as if Even should know this. Because it’s true. It took a little bit before he saw the three dots again. 

Even: Thank you Isak. Really  
Isak: It’s only the truth  
Even: You know…. Those not thinking before you speak aren’t all that bad  
Isak: Maybe not now but i’ve said some things that are bad  
Even: We all say some things that are bad  
Isak: That’s true I suppose. Goodnight Even  
Even: Goodnight Isak. 

 

Isak woke up with a warm feeling in his chest and he thinks about how he almost always wakes up with this feeling the last few weeks. 

He knows Even isn’t into him, but maybe he can just admire the view from afar. They can be just friends. 

Isak is what you call a classic ‘closet case’. He enjoys looking at boys more and the girls he kissed felt sloppy and forced. (another thing isak notices is that he hasn’t hooked up with anyone since he met Even. He knows that Magnus will start asking questions soon. For once in his life, he’s not sure if he wants to lie.) At first he thought it was just puberty but once Jonas started talking about losing his virginity, he knew that something was wrong with him.

Admitting he liked boys, in his head. Was a lot. He wasn’t ready to actually say it out loud. Especially the word people use to describe people like him. Or at least people who like the people he likes.

Isak is also pretty sure that he wants to kiss Even. Like a lot. 

Maybe Even would be worth it, maybe Even would’ve helped him be ‘him’. 

That is, if he actually liked him. Which he doesn’t. Because not only is Isak a closet case, he’s also a classic asshole who doesn’t think before he speaks, a person who ruined the relationship of 2 of his best friends out of spite, a person who is dirty and dark and grumpy and someone who left his mom. All in all, even if Even liked boys, which Isak is pretty sure he doesn’t, he had a girlfriend for god sake, he would never like Isak. 

Isak was fine with that. He had experienced that with Jonas and Eva, okay maybe it didn’t feel exactly like that and it wasn’t the best example. Jonas felt more safe and Isak could see what Eva saw in him and that just ‘clicked’ in Isak’s head. This felt more like fire, he could not sit still and whenever he caught himself thinking of Even, he smiled. He didn’t know what it all meant. 

Whatever those feelings meant, he wanted to feel them more often. If that meant helping Even over his girlfriend by setting him up with other girls (Isak didn’t really think Even would want that but if he did) Isak would do that. 

It was tuesday and that meant weekend was still 4 days away. 

The only comfort in that was that he would see Even every day. Maybe he will survive this week.


	8. Chapter 8

Even was happy, it had been a long time when he said that and meant it. 

It had been 4 days since their ‘deep’ conversation on monday night and he still thought about it. They way Isak said it just felt like he meant it. Like he needed Even to know that, no, he was not crazy and he should not believe what everyone says. 

They never really talked in person after that, their schedules didn’t match at all this week but he saw Isak in school and they smiled at each other whenever they caught the other looking. They did text a lot though. Every day. 

He was sitting on his bed, watching the get down when the door rang. 

During another one of their late night texts, he found out that Isak had never seen romeo + Juliet so Even had decided that Isak should come over and they would watch it. 

It was also friday so they’re gonna go to a party after they watched the video.

Isak was standing in front of the door when Even opened it, looking unsure. “Hey are you alright?” Even asked and that’s was took it to drag Isak out of whatever trance he was in. “What? Yeah. I’m alright.” Isak smiled and Even smiled back. They stood there for some time before they realised what they were doing and then they were moving to the kitchen. 

Even moved to grab some glasses while Isak looked terribly out of place. It was as if he didn’t know what he was doing there, like he wanted to leave. For the first time since they made up, the silence was awkward. 

Even stood in front of the sink when he looked at Isak again. “What do you want to drink?” He asked. “Just water, thanks” Isak didn’t look him in the eyes and Even missed it. He filled the glasses with water and moved to his bedroom. 

He looked behind him and saw that Isak was following him. Looking confused. “Where are we going?” He asked and he looked so tense that Even almost reached out to feel how tense his shoulders were. “My bedroom.” Even said and Isak visibly gulped. 

They sat down on the bed and Even didn’t miss how Isak left a big space between them. Even knew what Isak distancing meant. He crossed a line and Isak was making sure that he knew he didn’t want to cross that line. Even promised himself to back off. He didn’t want to lose Isak so soon. 

They watched the movie in silence and it was the awkward silence again. Isak moved a little closer during the movie and now they were almost pressed together. Even loved the movie, it was his favourite but all he could think about was, the heat that Isak brought to him. His skin burned Even’s on the places they touched, even if both of the boys where wearing clothes.

When the movie ended, his eyes released a few tears and he smiled when he saw that Isak was willing his tears back. “Why would you ever want to watch that?” He said and looked up. He probably didn’t notice how close they were now by the way his mouth opened in shock. They were really close, Even almost felt Isak’s breath on his cheek. 

Only a few centimeters and their mouths touched.

Not that he could ever act on that information.

Even smiled and Isak smiled too. Their silence now wasn’t awkward anymore. “It was beautiful wasn’t it?” Even said and he saw how Isak’s eyes softened. “Yeah it was.” Isak smiled. “But it was also sad as hell. “ He added and Even’s laugh broke whatever spell they were both under. “That’s what makes it beautiful.” Even said. 

Isak looked away for a second and Even could see the tears in his eyes when he looked back up. “Something doesn’t have to be sad to be beautiful. Happy things can be beautiful too.” He said and somehow it felt as if there was a bigger meaning behind it. “I guess you’re right.” Even said and he didn’t think it could but Isak’s smile grew. 

Something dawned to Isak and suddenly he wasn’t smiling anymore. Even’s curiosity got the best of him. “What’s wrong?” He asked and Isak was now looking at their sides pressed together. Even got the hint and moved away. It hurt but he didn’t want to cross that line. He loved having Isak as a friend and he wasn’t about to mess that up by making him feel uncomfortable. They never talked about their sexualities but Even was sure he dropped enough hints that he was pan, or at least that he liked men too. 

Isak looked up, startled by the sudden moves. “Never mind, you don’t have to tell me. Let’s go to the party.” Even said and Isak looked confused before it dawned to him. He got up and followed Even out of the room. 

Even was getting his coat when he saw Isak still standing in the door, looking unsure again. “Can we stay here? I mean. I’m tired and i’m not really feeling like going to a party and I thought maybe we can just stay here. If you want th-” He was caught of by a laughing Even. “Sure.” He was already hanging his coat up again. 

They walked back to the bedroom and sat down again. Even was lying the same way he was when they were watching the movie and Isak was sitting at the foot end of the bed. “You can talk to me you know?” Even asked. He didn’t want to pressure Isak but he was acting weird and he was curious. “You wouldn’t understand.” Isak said. Looking at his hands who were resting on his lap.

Even sat up to sit next to Isak, leaving a space between them. “Try me.” He said. Isak looked up at him, eyes soft. “Can we please just forget it?” He asked and Even nodded. “Of course. Just know that you can talk to me.” Isak nodded and smiled a little. “Are you hungry?” He asked and Isak nodded. 

They got up from the bed, previous conversation momentarily forgotten. Even knew that he was going to wonder what was wrong for hours after Isak left but Isak didn’t want to talk about it and he wasn’t going to pressure him.


End file.
